You are currently browsing the monthly archive for September, 2007.
Light as a feather!
It’s true, I’m not a social butterfly. Nobody has ever accused me of being too open, too friendly, or too sociable. It’s not something I suspect will ever happen, nor do I plan to help it along, but all the same I am beginning to loosen up. Or, dare I say it, I’m beginning to step out.
What this means is that I’ve taken some time to examine myself. I’ve considered many of the areas in my life where I’ve fallen short of God’s standard for normal, everyday, Christian interaction. For years I’ve been wrapped up in my own desires and pursuits, concerned only with how people, places, and things affect me. What makes me happy, what makes me comfortable.
I made a difficult decision the other day. One of my co-workers tried organizing a late birthday party for me, despite the fact that I didn’t want one. Originally it was a ploy to get me drinking, later it became an excuse for a social event (still with drinking involved), and in the end it was probably manipulative.
Generally, I have a hard time saying no to people. Women in particular. But, after considering the damage that could be done to my witness, I personally told this person I wouldn’t be attending the party. It was received poorly, and as of yet I’m receiving the silent treatment. Such is life.
The reason I say the decision was difficult is not because I’m inclined to drink. I’m not, and my resolve on that issue is second only to that of Superman being better than Batman (which is unshakeable, but not nearly as relevant). Anyhow, it was difficult because it meant giving up an opportunity to be the semi-center of attention and make people laugh. That’s something I enjoy, to my shame.
I’m not sure what kind of fallout I’ll endure for this decision, but I’m thankful to God that He gave me the strength and conviction to just say no.
So pretty...
Lately, I’ve been looking for hope it all the wrong places. It’s foolishness, I know, but that hasn’t stopped me from trying. It seems like an inevitable, inescapable cycle: I seek my own will, fail miserably, and then cry out to God when I get stuck. When will I ever learn to simply trust in Him alone?
In matters I prefer to reference only vaguely, it’s been my unspoken modus operandi to act first and ask questions (of God) later. Somehow, I think I know myself better than God. Oh, I say, you can’t be serious! You don’t realize what you’re asking of me. I’m so messed up I could never be used effectively for Your kingdom, much less hope to find fulfillment in love, life, and the universe.
Mene, mene, tekel, parsin.
It has long been a desire of mine to write a scathing review of the inefficient and generally asinine nature of crosswalk signals. You know what I’m talking about.
